Last night we met as a community to worship and pray and discern what the Father wants us to be/do/become….What a gathering. Wow, I tell you what, wow. I come from a mainline church background (Lutheran of the ELCA variety, just in case you wondered). The idea of corporate prayer usually came in the form of the liturgy. We just didn’t pray the way I’ve experienced prayer here in VC. I think we just said the words because we were expected to say them. I’m not sure we all really meant what we said or understood it for that matter. Prayer was not as personal or as real to me then. I didn’t embrace the idea that we can and should communicate with Jesus in a conversational way. I don’t think I ever prayed with the expectation that there would or could be an answer. Maybe when I was out on my own for the first time and would find myself in really dodgy situations I would whip out the Annie LaMott “Help me, Help me, Help me”. Or I would play Let’s Make a Deal with God. You know, “If You get me out of this, I’ll…..fill in the blank”. But I never sat in the presence of God and lifted my voice to be heard. Just me, just Julie speaking to her Abba. I’ve been blessed in so many ways since finding my way here. So many that it would take days and days to blog. I just want to write about prayer tonight. The other stuff we’ll get to later. Prayer is on my mind tonight. One of the things I’ve learned about prayer is that it’s not nearly as awkward as I thought. Even though I don’t see myself as a great prayer warrior, I have been able to open myself to the Spirit more fully. It used to be that I would worry during prayer time that I wouldn’t have the “right” words for someone or some situation. I would spend the time others were speaking running through what I would speak at the next pause. Always thinking it had to be big and intelligent and full of ripe meaning and perfect. That got me nowhere. I would miss the opportunity to pray with my group and affirm the words they had from the Spirit. I would completely miss the point of praying. I didn’t want to seem un-Christian or whatever. But I was BEING un-Christian. He doesn’t want anything but “our souls” as Bonhoeffer puts it. He wants our honest hearts not some construct or mask we put on to look pious. That was a hard lesson in humility for me. I have such fear of being little and unimportant that I would puff up in the worst possible way. I am so grateful for the chance to be an ass in safe environment and to learn this lesson with this new family growing inside and around me. Another thing I have learned is to be less skeptical of the prophetic. Years ago, I scoffed at the idea of God speaking through us in this modern world. In my view, that went out at Pentecost. I think I have a better understanding of the leading of the Spirit now. I truly believe we can and do receive wisdom from the Father in this day and in this place. As the need for orthopraxy (sp?)leaves me, I am less and less a Thomas. I’m still not sure where I fall on tongues and other manifestations, but prophetic words ring true for me now. So last night there we were. So diverse, yet so much of a tribe. We gathered and sang and worshipped and prayed for guidance. It moved me. You all move me. I love you , brothers and sisters and I thank you for allowing the Spirit to move through you. I love your courage and faith. I love your spots and warts. I am so looking forward to the next step in our journey together.
